I just want to feel content….
I am but a man, I fight with the usual urges most men face.
To party or not to party
To live a life of debauchery or not to live a life of debauchery
Etc etc, you get it
Beyond the lustful part of living a hole always needs to be filled. I feel as if I need to focus on what beauty is in front of me, rather than continuously searching for more, for something else.
I’m not a cheater or anything like that, nor do I sleep around, but I have noticed how I view the opposite sex, its like all actions I do towards them, all thought behind it, its sexual of some nature. Its not like I look at women as meat but I’m drowned in thinking sexually about most women I’m around and or in contact with. Its something I need to change.
And I am a watcher.
I see these men around me, with families, cheating, using every moment they can to cheat, or put in place an act of cheating. I see these man children still acting as if it was highschool or the party age of 21, careless of the underlining happiness of the people who think they deeply love them, and I think.
” I don’t want to be that man, I’m not, but I do not even want to walk the border line of being ‘that guy’ ”
I see depressed wives, lies, nights out with women, hidden by the idea that they are with friends, and I just can’t believe it.
Yet I feel it sink into me, I see that in some way I become the people I hang out with. I see that to be who I want to be, to fully be who I want to become, I need to hang around more respectable people. More people who make a large effort to be morally kind to others.
I have a wonderful woman in my life. I need to and want to know she is it and will be. I want to give her my all, and not question what else can be, somewhere else.
There is so much beauty in love and family, I want to be an amazing father and husband one day. I do not need to travel the world and be famous (which I tried to do for many years). I just want that connection, that teammate, that we all yearn for.