I have many struggles when it comes to me “keeping it in my pants” and
learning to settle down. Its really been a struggle, yet things like this(Ideas backing the single life) come up and I remember a piece of why its a struggle, getting caught in the mix is not something I’m sure I’m ready for. I think many just get married for the perks, many many many, shit, I hardly know one happy married man. And I hardly meet happy married women, does not mean its not real and cannot happen, just seems that its not what its claimed to be. I really go back and forth on these subjects, as I too think sexuality should be expressed, yet to what extent I always ask myself.
Do I have sex with everyone I can? Is that really something I should feel bad about? Is being pleased and pleasing others bad? Do I feel bad because I feel bad or because religion and goody goodies have said sex is for dirty people? Do I just wait for one person? Do people have to be married or dating? Do I have two main girlfriends, or should I stick with one? Is it wrong for two people to meet and just say ” Hey you’re a really great person and I really think you are attractive, would you like to make love and that’s it?” Should I be the “lone ranger”some have called me and just ride this life out (single) learning about myself for myself? Or have I just not “found the right ‘one'” Is it less lonely with “someone by your side” or is that just saying “someone’s gonna be here in case I get hurt, when I’m bored or lonely, or when I die, cause I need someone next to me when I die, cause life is scary, someone there just makes me feel better”, marriage often seems like a crutch. Then I am stuck thinking I may be able to be more myself when I’m single. Cause I think “single” has a bad label to it, I don’t think its bad, yucky, hermit’ish lol I actually respect people who can stay single since it is not the norm in our society.
This whole idea, this whole crazy incredibly honest confession was triggered when I was told someone who knows me contacted a girl I was dating “anonymously” on Facebook. They told her something along these lines. ” Watch out for Trevor, he will be perfect, the perfect man for about 3 months and then he will change into a different person and will either leave you or cheat on you”
This really had me like woooowwwwwww. Asking myself questions such as “who would take the time to try and mess some thing up for me?” But, the other part of me said ” That is kind of a true statement, that person( I’m guessing some random ex) is right to an extent”. You see, I did used to cheat on my girlfriends(or try to) but as of a few years ago that has ceased and I am faithful, and also a lot of the relationships I ended early were for legitimate reasons that had me KNOW that they would not be long lasting, . But there seems to be this thing, this feeling after the “honeymoon” phase ends that causes me to start second guessing if this is the right thing, the right choice, the “one”. And I find myself leaving a lot, yet I do not see myself as an ass, I’m actually called sweet often, so this is not the usual “dick head guy” thing. Truth is if there is a pattern in all my relationships, it is probably me, the only thing that keeps me saying probably is my narcissism lol if I was not a little into myself I would say it is all me.
I mean, if I am open with the way I live my life, if I let the women know that I would like to hang with or “make love to” that I respect them and such, is that wrong? Is it wrong to have feelings like ” I want to work on myself, I want to get money for myself, I want to not have to limit myself to how I react and perhaps “flirt” with women”.
I love women, pretty much all of them. I’m not a perv, I do not go where I am not welcome, I do not over stay my welcome, I do not harass, I do not push, so what is wrong with a lifestyle of freedom? I like to flirt, I like to love and hug them. I like to kiss them. I like the little physical touches that happen when I pass them. I like their smiles, I love how they smell, how they dress, their hair, nails, yoga pants, ohhhh yoga pants. I just like to be able to love on “them”, doesn’t even have to be dirty, I just like being close to them.
So I wonder, Am I a product of my environment, do I look at women only as sex pieces? Or is looking at them all as goddesses wrong? I am actually really nice to everyone, not a “creep” at all, I mean no one has ever said it to my face at least and its never come to my ear lol. So what is wrong with loving everyone?
lol I dont know, I’m just trying to figure out if I have a sexual addiction or if I just think long term relationships are stale and retarded.