I am a mellow person, most that really know me would probably agree. I like to relax, and I’m a chill type of guy, not hyper, not to enthusiastic about many things lol and this follows into driving also. Most people say I’m a very safe driver, I don’t like speed, never have, it freaks me out. When I drive most times, I don’t even care what the speed limit is, I just slow coast at the speed that is comfy for me just to relax and jam out, I could do that for days, and I don’t speed, hardly ever. People driving behind me HATE this! They often ride my ass and I get passed almost every time I drive.
As people are passing me I think “What is your rush? You mad bro?” cause you know, they always speed ahead, screeching tires like, “Fuck you Trev”. And then what happens 97.6 percent of the time? I end up meeting them at the next stop sign or red light. Now, I am strange and I LOVE to look into things like this. Did that person getting angry and rushing ahead do anything for them at all? Did they think their life would change for the better by rushing on ahead for no good reason at all? Is it funny that they probably hit that red light and never thought about the last few wasted minutes of their life. If I was more of a dick, I would say “Hey!!” and when they look over, just laugh at them for getting nowhere, but Im scared of fighting and don’t really like to be mean so it doesn’t happen lol. Ok, done with the example.
I have been running for years, just like people running on the road, only to hit a stop sign. My pastor, as I was ending my service to the church and Bible, said ” I think you are running from something Trevor, I don’t know what it is, but you are running”. Well, I was running from something I knew was not serving me anymore and I was running towards even more knowledge of the world around me, and towards getting to know more of who I was. Problem was, I could not stop running.
I have been a dreamer for as long as I can remember. I have always been obsessed with any art form that allowed me to expressively release pent up feelings. And when I did not have the resources to rap any longer, I went to writing books and what you see here, if for some reason this stopped, I would find another release, maybe through painting or something.
But, regardless of the beauty of dream and my integrity and faith in myself, many things have come to light within the past few months. I have spent so many years running towards a dream that I thought would make me happier, or “happy”. All I could think about was this dream, this image of the future.
The moral of this story is, we spend so much time working on goals of our future that we forget the stuff that is right in front of us. We forget our families, we forget our love life’s, or mates who are still in love with us in the moment. We become obsessed with these ideas that all else falls short. Then, to go further, we start ( well I did at least) to hold animosity towards all people around us like they are the ones preventing us from getting to some supposed place of happiness.
One day I just stopped in my tracks and thought “What the fuck Trev, just stop for a sec, think about what you’ve had, think about how good your life is now, think about the beautiful people that are around you NOW!” I wanted to leave, wanted to forget, and some how convinced myself that what I had was not good enough, when my life had and has been amazing, since, ugh, forever lol.
The saying is good “The grass is greener where you water it”. Why did I use the comparison of the driving in the get go? I don’t need to be rushing to some further point, trying to pass people like I am better then them. That is one of the dumbest things I could have done. I can water my grass where I am, aim for my goal, and allow the world to unfold and accept what is given to me.
I will allow life, and love what comes to me. I will appreciate what people do for me every moment. I will allow this moment and understand that not everything can go my way. I will not run any longer, because right here is where I am supposed to be.
Can anyone relate to this?