It is so strange to me how time passes and all we thought we knew, all we believe in can change, a whole 360 can come into play with just the passing of time. I write so much, at times I make YouTube videos expressing an emotion or thought that strikes me at the time. One of the strangest things about putting yourself out there, or recording your life is, sometimes you can look back on things you’ve said and or done and think ” Wow, I don’t really know if I feel like that anymore, I don’t know if I follow that philosophy or lifestyle any longer.
It is hard because I write books and things and then think to myself at times ” Oh shit, do I need to scrap that book?, do I need to go rewrite the parts that I think differently about?, am I being fraudulent if I’m still putting out things I may no longer follow?”
But I keep them, I keep the music that may promote a lifestyle that I no longer follow, I still promote the thoughts of my past. And also because at a time, I felt that way in my heart, my art is my bio to the world. I will be always awkwardly transparent with YOU! Why, because there may still be people who feel the way I did at the time I made whatever art piece I made. And whether I follow it or not I can still touch someone who believes in what I did, and I can respect them for that.
For instance, for a time I despised love, I saw it shattered around me, I shattered some of my own and have been bruised, so I reflected my own experiences. For some reason lately I have really begun to respect love and people who really have found someone who they know is there.
I spent a lot of my life filled with ego, filled with a self love that was over board and over bearing, I think the rap game did it a little to me and maybe my social standing growing up. Being popular is not all its cracked up to be as it can warp your mind into only loving situations and what people can do for you, rather then what you can do for them. And then time passes, and the lime light fades, the groups of friends fade, not because they are bad or I don’t love them, but because life changes and we all go different ways.
Stepping out of that lifestyle has done beautiful things to my soul and allowed me to really get to know me. But for a long time I held this strong man syndrome that made me feel entitled to the universe since I had thought I knew all the answers, and as a Christian I ran around spewing my info on people in my personal life who did not need the knowledge, they only needed my love and acceptance of them. Then when I left Christianity I did the same thing with different info. This is not to take away from what you see me do here, as I am not shoving anything down anyone’s throat who doesn’t want to read what I say.
But as I like to discuss lately there is no one truth in this world, none, my opinion. Can we be for a cause and also neutral? You know? Like can I say with positive truth that Christianity is bad for everyone and everything? Nope, cant, I mean it has been used for some really horrifying acts, but some people use Christ to love everything, that I can back. Can I say that marriage is horrible for everyone? Na, I thought I could because of all the horror Ive seen people do to each other when papers are signed. But deep down as of late Ive been really thinking about a could be love life ahead of me, and the feelings towards the idea are pleasant.
I actually really love the ebb and flow of life and I love that I will know more and become a better person within a matter of days, or hours, years whatever. How have I seen my folly’s and mistakes? I think I came to a point where I realized we are all beautifully broken, every single one of us are a beautiful mess. Yet, we all have such beauty to show that only each of us can express on an individual basis that is only something we can give. We all have huge strengths, we all have scars, right? So when anyone can look at themselves in the mirror and look at their “neighbor” who they pass on the street and see that the other is just as important as they are, the whole world comes full circle.
Don’t get me wrong, if you’ve never known the Trev in real life, I was never a bad guy or anything like that lol And I’m not someone people would want to run away from, I was only stating that my life consisted of looking in all the wrong places and at times not giving credit to people for the beautiful mess that they are, that we all are.
And now, I feel ok with the idea that my whole perception on life could change, I think the best thing we can do is embrace the only constant, change, I love change.