You know, when I first started to see the “bigger picture”, I only focused on the bad that was happening in the world, because I was filled with anger at what I had learned. Then over time I realized how much all of that hate towards religion and government was holding me down and causing me to just feel like shit. I began to weigh the good and bad to even out the energies. Then I began to be filled with another form of self righteousness that I had seen in myself when practicing Christianity. It came right back around in a different form, I had learned new things but really just rearranged my prejudices. What I would do until just a few months ago was judge everyone because they had feelings. Saying such things as “your creating your negative reality by showing such feelings” or “Its not ok to be sad or angry because it means your weak and not strong”. And I spent a lot of time forcing my help upon others who just wanted to live their lives according to their own rules not mine, so it caused a rift around me, and I felt alienated.
Then I realized that we are human, negative and positive in nature. It is ok to be sad, its ok to be angry, its ok to be ok with feeling that boil up inside. And you know what else, its ok to stand up against hurtful structures that are fucking up our communities and relationships, health, love etc. If people don’t stand for something they will fall for anything. We have emotion and that’s what it is there for, not to shut away and think its wrong! That’s ego, to say its not ok to be upset sometimes, that is people saying emotion is unnatural. Yes things can go over board and some folks turn really dark from focusing on pain to much, But I myself want to be a shoulder to lean on, a person who can be approached with hurts of the soul and be there to be a shoulder to lean on. Not self righteously pushing others away because “saying negative things is not spiritual enough for me”. I love you if you’re happy, I love you if you’re sad. And as people have told me “sometimes I just want someone there to listen, not to always try and teach me something.” On the other hand really, I don’t need teaching, Ive already been to the mountain top, If I break it is on me, if I rise, I give myself the credit, I don’t need people running around telling me its not ok to be me, no one should, because in the end it is the individual that changes for themselves, not the other way around. ❤ you guys and gals!